*sigh*  Hello my loverlies.  Once again it's been a while since I posted.  Although with good reason.  Some of you may know what that reason is, but most of you do not.  I'll keep the reason out of public view for now, but those of you with private access to me may feel free to contact me and inquire about the recent turn of events. 

So, my life is shit right now.  There are moments I just want to jump off the higest precipice I can find.  I find myself constantly sick with worry, and my stomach's always tied up in knots.  It's not good for me.  When I'm not considering suicide, I find myself wishing I could just run away from here.  Not just this *place*, but this life.  I want to take the things I'm unable to leave behind, and just disappear into the wild yonder.  I really don't think that many people would miss me.  Hell, I've done such a good job of isolating myself that I think it would be quite some time before I was even noticed to be missing. 

As an example of how depressed I am, I missed my weekly pool date with my boys.  I didn't even want to go.  I ended up riding around between courthouses and lawyer's offices to find out about getting a divorce actually in the works.  I also ended up breaking my (soon-to-be) ex-husband's heart YET AGAIN.  I am truly a piece of shit and if God were fair he would strike me dead where I sit right now to stop the madness.  I swear I fuck up the life of everyone I come into contact with.  EVERYONE.  It's like I'm diseased.  Just call me Typhoid Mary.  Catastrophic Connie.  Devastation Debbie.  Whatever.  I'm so over this whole situation called life it's rediculous. 

I think I'm having an existential meltdown.  I am on overload and my circuits can't take but so much more of this shit before they fry. 

I wish I could think of something positive to post.  I really do.  And I apoligize to anyone who actually made it this far. 

Mein Ameria, my e-mail address has changed.  The correct one is linked in my posts to you. I love you and miss you and really wish I could hug you right now, for both our sakes.  Dierdre, my sincerest apologies for not being on your site much, but I swear you're not the only one I've been neglecting.  Flip, I really miss your sense of humor right about now.  And finally, to my anonymous lurker, and you know who you are, your support of me recently has meant so much more to me than I could ever tell you.  Even when I want to curl up into a tiny little ball and die, the thought of you can still make me smile. 

I love you all, and if I cheer up later, I may post a more positive spin on my life as it is currently unfolding.

There is a certain person who shall remain nameless that I am THRILLED to see here, however distasteful said visitor's screen name happens to be. *smirks* 

Anywho...  so I updated my resume on Monster.com today, and applied for a few jobs.  The only issue I have with getting a 'normal' job is that it will totally interfere with my pool playing on Thursdays.  However, I am mature enough to understand that my extracurricular activities must take a backseat to my taking responsibility for my own life.  Besides, my pool boys love me enough to stay until I get there... right?  *smiles beseechingly*

*hugs mein Ameria*  That's so sweet of you to call someone on a comment they made you thought was mean!!  That's why I love you!  But he's right, it is an inside joke between us and he didn't mean any harm :)  *squeezes you harder* Thank you for taking up for me, though, babycakes!  Oh, and don't worry, I'm not disappearing on you again, I just haven't had the chance to log on the last coupla days.

I love you all!!! 

Okay, for all of you who waited with bated breath to find out the results of our little social experiment, the results are in:

No one is immune to my charms.

*does dorky endzone dance*

HP has nothing on me, baby! 

So I got written up at work today because I called in on Saturday.  Eff 'em.  I'm gonna look for a new job anyway.   They blow.  This working every freaking weekend has GOT to stop. (*spontaniously humps mein Ameria*) I mean, seriously, do they think that no one has anything better to do on a saturday night than work?  It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't EVERY FREAKIN SATURDAY!! This isn't what I signed up for, and I told them that from the get-go. I mean, I specifically remember saying I didn't want to work every weekend; and no one who works there (except the poor stocker guy they just hired) is old enough to have Alzheimer's disease, so, what gives?!?

In other news, my parents got home from their trip today.  My dad is in a totally bad mood.  He doesn't like dogs, and while they were gone, I moved my dog over here. I've seriously got to get a new (better paying) job so I can get the heck outta this joint. 

Also in other news, I would like to say that I am thrilled to see mein Ameria and Flip again!  Oh, oh, and Dierdre, too!  Thank you all for coming so promptly to pay homage to my newly resurrected blog!!!

I love you all like a bag full of nothing but RED skittles!

AND check it!  Three days in a row I've posted!  *pats self on the back*  Way to get right back in there, kiddo!

aaaaanywho...

So here I sit, separate but not alone.  Across the room, my guy is on his own laptop, doing his own thing, and here I am, sitting on his bed, doing mine.  The only thing that doesn't make this completely pathetic is that we aren't sitting here IMing instead of talking! 

What is it about computers that turn us into such solitary creatures, even in the same room with another person?  I could understand it if we were working on something of importance, but we're both just surfing (well, *I'm* working on my blog, which is extremely important to my hordes of adoring fans!) and pretty much ignoring the other.

If I wanted to do this I could have stayed home tonight and saved my gas.  I'm thinking of trying a little experiment.  I'm going to go over there and let him know I want some, and see if I get a response or get blown off.  I'm betting I get blown off, personally. 

ACK!  He just spoke to me!!

*-Stay tuned, social experimentation in progress-*

>static<

Wow!  I was just reading back through a lot of my posts, and I must say (with all the humble-ness I can muster) that I am freakin brilliant.  My special blend of self-depreciation and sarcasm tends to sneak up on one, unnoticed, until it gets ya.  

So, also while I was reading my blog, I was checking out some of the comments that had been left, and it made me realize how much I missed mein Ameria!!  All the funny little sayings and things we would... well, say, to each other. *humps her nostalgically* 

There are a few friends of mine that I know get on the computer, but I dont have their contact info. that I would like to be able to keep in touch with on-line.  I will make it a point to try and give them my blog addy, or my myspace page info or something.

I must've done a pretty good job on my blog; I actually still  like the layout & stuff.  Just need to do a little updating of info and I'm good to go. As a matter of fact, I might go try to update my page.  I may come back and update this post later, or when I wake up in the morning.