So, I'm not as depressed as I have been the last two or three days, but I'm not overjoyed about my life either.  I just get so upset because I always saw myself as something... more.  But lately, I can't see how my life can be anything other than it is right now.  Painful. 

I'm fully aware that the pain I'm feeling is a direct result of my own actions, and that there's no one to blame but myself for how hard my life is right now, but I just wish that I could get at least some sort of a break.  :(  Or some sort of epiphany about how to make everything at least a little better.  It's like everything that's good in my life seems to get infected somehow, then just sort of rots from the inside out, unnoticed until it's too late to fix. 

I feel the need to run away.  I want to just move away and start over.  But I can't do that until I take care of (get rid of) everything holding me here, like my bills and stuff, which I can't get rid of if I don't have a better job, AND if all this other CRAP doesn't stop happening to me!! 

I just want to start over.